Friday, April 28, 2006

The Dreaded Tag

Accent: I have my own accent. Made it up myself...

Booze: Light Italian Wines

Chore I Hate: Anything that could wait till tomorrow....

Dogs: If I weren't frum..I'd probably own one..

Essential Electronics: My iPod!

Favorite Perfume/Cologne: On my wedding night..I almost threw up from the strong scent of my new wifes perfume and ran gasping to the window! (a moment I'll never live down)
Light perfume is ok..I like Escada Magnetism...
For me? I like Polo for men..but I rarely wear it.

Gold/Silver: Types of metals..?

Hometown: 3 Guesses

Insomnia: Whats that?..if you've been reading my blogs you'd know I love to sleeeeep

Job Title: Depends what time of day (or night)..

Kids: More than 2 ..less than 6

Living Arrangements: Comfortable

Most Admired Trait: Being "Real"

Number of sexual partners: Define "sex"

j/k..of course 1

Overnight Hospital Stays: Too many :-(

Phobia: Claustrophobia

Quote: "Gam Zeh Ya'avor (This too shall pass)"

Religion: Jewish (FFB)

Siblings: More than 1 Less than 5

Time I usually wake up: 5:45

Unusual Talent: I can imitate all the Sesame Street Characters..among others...

Vegetable I refuse to eat: Any cooked vegetables...Love em raw...

Worst Habit: Procrastination

X-Rays: Whattabout em?

Yummy Foods I make: Linguini...and a wicked cholent

Zodiac Sign: Private

Ok. I tag ayala, Brown Eyes and Eshet Chayil and The Mata Hari and Shopaholic of course

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Time Warp

This past week I spent Shabbos at my parents house.
I slept in my bed..the bed and room I grew up in
The last time I slept here was the night before my wedding

The whole Shabbos was like a trip to the past...
Davening in my old Shul...
The old boys...
Same handshakes
Same cologne
A little greyer

Lying in my boyhood bed..
Shabbos morning
On the bookshelves...those old paperback Sidney Sheldon novels
That fueled adolescent hormones
Still there..
My sisters yearbook with my earliest crushes..
My Fathers deep voice resonating through the house
Just as I recall it...
As he learns at the kitchen table..
My mothers delicious cholent..assaulting my remaining sense
My eyes open wide...
Staring at the abstract wallpaper
Finding the same shapes and the pattern
That I fondly recall
The elephant head...mountain range
Young girl...with uneven eyes...half smile...staring down at me
As if to say wow..where have you been?

I could’ve gotten up earlier but I was waiting
For that moment..when my father softly knocked on my door
And in his deep yet soft voice intoned..’s time for Shacharis...

I smiled that young girls peculiar smile...

I was home..

Friday, April 21, 2006


I love my Mother In Law

There..I've said it.

This is one of the reasons why it’s so important to remain anonymous here.
Men around the world will read this post and cringe.
They will write me and threaten me

Oh how the Mother In Law has been reviled, loathed and hated over the years. The butt of more jokes than lawyers.

But I have to admit after spending yet another Yom Tov at my in laws, I’ve been blessed with an extraordinary M.I.L.

What makes her a good shvigger?
She treats me like a prince.
She doesn't mix into my life.
She never talks to my wife about me.
She's great to my kids.
She's helpful and supportive of everything I do.

So, I’d just like to take this moment and thank my in laws for everything.

Anyone else out there secretly willing to admit that their in-laws are wonderful people?

Saturday, April 08, 2006

The Four Freedoms

Thank G-d we live in a time and place, enveloped by the four freedoms immortalized by Norman Rockwell in his famous series. Freedom from fear, Freedom from want, Freedom of Religion, Freedom of speech.
As Jews we have never lived in an atmosphere so permeated with the spirit of freedom.

This liberty gives us the opportunity to turn inward and gain true freedom.
The most profound freedom..flight
To connect and break free all at once and from ourselves
Our bodies
Four elements
The Earth that pulls us down..spiritual and physical laziness
The Fire that enflames our anger and misdirects our passions
The Wind that makes us haughty props us up in castles in the air
The Water that quenches our thirst for the forbidden

So my task at hand is to truly re-enact the Exodus.
My Neshama which is Chelek Elokai MiMaal (a portion and piece of Hashem himself)
Will try to redeem my body from the elements weighing her down..
Just as Hashem redeemed our nation.

I will lift the Four cups..and proclaim

V’Hotzeisi..and he has removed me from the the earth that it shall not bury me..
V’Goalti...and he has redeemed me from the winds that create illusions of gradeur..
V’Hitzalti...and he has saved me from the fires that consume..
V’Lokachti...and he has taken me out of the waters that threaten to drown me..

True Freedom is when you're truly in synch with every part of you and you fly...

I’d like to wish everyone a Chag Kosher V’Sameach and a wonderful Pesach.
You guys are the best!

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Seder Connections

My Father..sitting on my right..
My Grandfather on his right..
My son on my left..
Why is this night different?

My sons son is on his left
My grandfathers father on his right
And his father next to him

Connected through the ages, the years
Conquering our doubts our smallness our fears
Drawing life from the past
Drawing strength from the future

Sandwiched between the light
Of The Exodus
Sinai on one side
And the light of the end of days
The world of perfection
On the other..

We , in the night
Have nothing but faith..
We, the sufferers
Consequence of fate
Spinning in a spiritual void
We suck from the vein..that passes through
This night
Hoping for a small glimpse of light
Perhaps these lights are drawing their power
Forging their connection
From us,
From our imperfection

And so we sing...
And so we sit like kings
Eating bitter herbs

Saving one matzah for midnight
One memory of this moment
Of faith
Of tears
Of this special blind love
To our love..above
And hide it away
And pray...
That it isn’t stolen away
By our children

Monday, April 03, 2006

Reb Yid...You are really really bad

I was at a Bar Mitzvah in Brooklyn this past Shabbos and one of the Bar Mitzvah boys relatives is a self proclaimed Chazzen.
I'm sure you all have one of those in your family.
Well..this guy gets up and was horrible..
Now, I'm not talking about "in my opinion he was bad" I mean scientificaly provable bad.
Hitting notes that should be left in the attic locked away
Now, all the guests were groaning..rolling their eyes and mimicking him.
As soon as Shacharis ended everyone went over and gave him a big Shkoyach!
So I'm sitting there scratching my head..and wondering.
How is this poor fellow supposed to know that he stinks?

Is it really a a good idea to pat the guy on the back 5 minutes after rolling your eyes at his Flat Flat D minors?
Is it better to let this guy think he's good when he gets ridiculed behind his back?
Or is it better to tell him once and for all YOU SUCK!

Hmm just thinking aloud..