Thursday, March 02, 2006

Vertical Journeys...

Its crowded..
nervous politeness...
'excuse me...getting off'
'That’s my foot'..'sorry'..'its ok'..
Sneak a peek..pretty woman..rolls eyes..
Looking the numbers..
'Must be the local'...polite chuckle..
'Room for one more?'...'sure'..inhale
She smiles back..and mouths 'thank u'
Its not so crowded anymore
Stifle a cough..a sneeze..
Vibrate vibrate...whisper.'.i’m in an elevator I’ll call u back'
Ummm we’re not moving..
unspoken panic registers in everyone’s eyes..
ok we’re moving again
Calm down
'Getting off...excuse me'
Is this your floor too..?

An elevator is a microcosm of life. We form subliminal relationships..likes and dislikes..we try to live peacefully not to get in other peoples way..everyone just wants to get to the destination without incident..all condensed within a minutes time.

Anyone looking for a Shidduch..listen to me. An elevator is a great place to observe character traits.
Here are 5 distinct characters I’ve encountered..

Happy go lucky.
Almost always from out of NYC. Gets into the elevator with a big goofy smile and no matter what happens that smile is there. We can be stuck for days..he’ll be smiling..doling out friendly advice and saying things like...”Damn thing seems to be stuck..” with that ever present smile.

Gets polite. Lets people in and out before him. Stands straight..eyes looking around. He’s the one that usually makes the “This must be the local” quip.

Expressionless. Staring straight ahead. I suspect he’s secretly terrified of elevators.

Always goes in first..always presses the Close Doors button 100 times so that no one else can get in and prolong his trip.. Everytime the elevator stops he makes these annoying tsk sounds.

Uber Selfish.
2 true stories..
1. Runs to the elevator..screaming..hold the door...hold the door...after he gets in ..someone else runs thru the lobby screaming ..hold the door..hold the door...but he frantically presses the Close Door button and the door shuts in the newcomers face
2. Elevator full of people..this guy is finishing his phone call. The cell..doesnt work in the elevator so he sticks his hand in the door and holds up the entire elevator until his call is over...when someone complains he puts his fingertips together and shakes his hand slowly in the classic Israeli way of silently saying “a little patience...” grrrr

'Getting off...
Watch where you’re going...yeah you on the cellphone...that’s my foot you just stepped on..
Come to think of it..I have a shidduch for you....'